There were times throughout my life I felt certain I’d travelled a million miles to get to where I am right now, and that I must surely be 100 years old, at the very least, that’s how old I feel, having gone through so much turbulence throughout my life.
Reflecting upon my past I am convinced that it really was another life. Who was that girl who refused to suffer any longer?
Where did she find the strength and courage to wade through an ocean of tears,
loneliness, despair, and constant disappointments to finally discover the laughter,
joy, and love that previously eluded her?
Is it any wonder why I feel well beyond my years yet still find it astounding that I survived whilst managing to remain mentally intact?
Separated by thousands of miles from family and friends with no one to turn to, and having given my partner many opportunities to redeem himself, he failed so I decided to end a particular phase of my life and found the confidence to start a new one with my children—
The decision I made was the right one.
My parents were post-war immigrants who decided to leave their home-land to venture forth with nothing more than their hopes and dreams of a better life in a new land. Most importantly they brought with them their values that would always remain non-negotiable.
As a consequence of these ‘values’, I had a strict upbringing and whist I appreciate
my parents’ attempts of protecting me through their love, they unwittingly placed me on a pathway of making wrong decisions at the wrong time of my life.
Thus began my long tumultuous journey through life.
Someone once said to me that I possessed all the love of a real woman and the
patience of a saint. That may be so, but they don’t know how much pain and agony I endured through my 20s, 30s, 40s, to achieve this patience. As for the love of a real woman—that was not enough to secure my happiness.
The ‘forever’ kind of love is ‘forever’ when it’s reciprocated.
In my case, it was not…
‘A woman can love only one man at a time, it is for her husband just to see that
he is that man’.
Men, Women & Wedlock. (1910) London, United Kingdom: A & C Black Publishers.
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